It’s true what they say that it’s the things we love the most, that destroy us. Case in point, I almost sliced off my fingers trying to cut these brownies into pieces. Anyway, other than the fact that these are probably the deadliest brownies around, seemingly peaceful, but actually thirsty for your blood the moment you turn your back on them, I think they’re actually pretty okay.
And by “okay” I actually mean “tastiest, most divine brownies on Earth”. But then again, it’s fudgy chocolaty brownies with extra chocolate chunks the size of my head and a drizzle of warm nutella we’re talking about. How you expected any less than dessert perfection, I don’t know.
I have this problem where I cannot seem to stop calling every new dessert I make “the best dessert you guys will ever put into your mouth for real blah blah I mean it guys it’s so good blah blah blah dessert dessert I like it” but guys, trust me: I’M DEAD SERIOUS THIS TIME.
And it’s not that I don’t mean it sometimes. I always do. I guess it’s just that I have a problem finding myself over-attached to delicious chocolate desserts and fictional bearded men with a sword over and over again. Nevermind, they always end up breaking my heart when there isn’t a single crumb left or they’re betrayed by the people they were supposed to trust.
Never trust teenage boys, that’s my motto: some will eat a whole pan of triple chocolate brownies when you’re not looking, others will try to stab you in the snow when you don’t expect it.
And if we’re going to be honest, I don’t know what’s worse.
I mean, brownies. Triple chocolate brownies oozing with melty bits and a nutella drizzle, to be exact. I don’t care if you’re ravenous and haven’t eaten in 2871389 days (not the case with my brothers… have you seen those cookie munching machines??), if you dare to steal my brownies from me before I’ve had the chance to devour at least half of the pan, consider yourself stabbed on the heart while enjoying this wedding you’re attending to.
Or tricked into eating chickpea-based brownies thinking they’re made with butter, mind you. I’m actually not good at stabbing people or attending weddings, so I’m going to have to find a different way to plot my revenge (*evil laugh*)
Bottom line: do not touch my brownies.
For real, guys. These brownies? They’re what I feel that candy houses in heaven are made of. They taste like the most sinful, decadent treat, so fudgy and melt-in-your-mouth-awesome. Is it bad that I want to take seven pans full of them and elope?
Can I, can I?
(Friendly reminder that I just tried to use Thesaurus to look for another synonym for decadent, since, you know, it’s no bueno to use the same word over and over again even though these brownies are the epitome of decadence, and it came up with “depraved”, “perverted” and “degenerated”. I might or might not have just spent the last three hours laughing at the thought of a naughty, dirty-minded brownie. Hello I’m four)
Anyhoo. Luscious as they look, they’re actually some of the healthier treats around! Can I get extra points or one “well done” sticker? ‘Cause I’m still four and proud.
Vegetables? Check. Yay for hidden zucchini as a way to seek anticipated vengeance when your brothers eat all of your food.
Wholegrain flour? You bet! Yet these brownies don’t come out dry at all.
Minimally processed sugar? Check número dos. Is it okay that I want to elope with coconut sugar too? I mean, isn’t that slightly vanilla-like, sweet flavour to die for?
Zero cholesterol since these are vegan? Yeah! Is that an excuse to eat the whole pan? YEAH. And apparently my teenage brothers agree wholeheartedly.
What can I say, these brownies are addictive like a HBO TV show. They’re full of yumminess and they will break your heart when they’re over. I cannot blame my brothers for wanting to eat them all but, guess what.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
And so are frappucinos.
More on that later.
- 200 grams whole wheat flour
- 30 grams almond flour
- 1 tsp. baking powder
- 1 tsp. instant coffee granules
- 40 grams cacao powder
- a pinch of salt
- 1 flax egg
- 150 grams coconut sugar
- 250 ml. almond milk
- 50 grams olive oil
- 1/2 a large zucchini
- 1 tsp. vanilla extract
- 1 tsp. vinegar
- 80 grams dark chocolate
- 50 grams walnuts
- 2-3 tablespoons vegan nutella
- Whisk together in a bowl flours, sugar, cacao, baking powder, coffee granules and salt.
- Grate the zucchini and add it to the bowl.
- Stir in the flax egg, milk, vinegar, oil and vanilla and mix well.
- Chop the chocolate bar and add the chunks to the batter, as well as the chopped walnuts.
- Line a brownie pan with parchment paper and pour the batter in it.
- Bake at 350F (175ºC) for 30-35 minutes or until you insert a toothpick in the center and it comes out clean (be careful because the dark chocolate bits might stain it even though it's done!)
- Warm the nutella so it's easy to drizzle and pour it on top of the brownies.
- White whole wheat can be used in place of whole wheat flour.
- Vegan nutella can be found in most health food stores (mine is from De Rit)
- These keep well stored in an air-tight container for 3-4 days (when they last!)
I hope you guys like it! Don’t forget to check out my Instagram Summer Secret Santa! It’s going to be so fun and it’s international!