“How to be a failed attempt at an adult”, a book by me.
-Step #1: make sure you don’t ever EVER do laundry. Why not try putting all your dirty clothes in a laundry basket and see how the pile grows higher each day (just like your desesperation) instead?
If you still feel like giving this whole laundry thing a go, remember NOT to ever select the proper programme to wash your thing. 10000ºC pits-of-hell kind of heat? Yeah, that’s totally what your fragile wool sweater needs.
-Step #2: house chores are an urban legend. Don’t vacuum – spend your precious time procrastinating instead. Do I hear Netflix? Laying on the bed thinking about the meaning of life? Sitting in a dark corner doing nothing? All three are much better than sweeping.
-Step #3: why cook a balanced a nutritious meal when you can have peanut butter and jelly toast for dinner seven sixty-seven nights in a row instead?
-Step #4: homework? Assigments? Real life work? Sounds to me like you need a nap. Or two. Come back when you’re well restead and repeat step #2.
Oh hey, I was actually kidding. Sure I do grown-up things on occasion… such as actually liking beer and lusting over Kit Harington on a daily basis.
How many three-year-olds do you know that do that huh?
Sometimes I actually go a step further and make myself an actual nutritious lunch. “Sup girl let’s throw some veggies, superfoods, healthy fats and protein sources in a bowl so it looks like you’re actually nailing this living alone and feeding yourself thing!!!”
I’m a genius.
Now if someone would kindly explain me how to load a dishwasher that’d be greeeeeeaaaat.
Kidding again, I don’t actually own a dishwasher: I do this thing where I stack all my bowls in the biggest tower known to mankind and hope for my roommate to clean them.
Although now that I think about it, I believe she does the same?
New book idea:
“How to make Consuelo happy in three easy steps”
-Clean her room. Emphasis on the laundry thing.
-Make her cookies. Lots of them.
-Be Kit Harington. This step is not optional.
- 200 grams tempeh
- 50 grams tamari sauce
- 20 grams maple syrup
- a drizzle of sriracha
- 1 cup uncooked quinoa
- 2 cups water
- a pinch of salt
- 1 carrot
- 1/2 a medium zucchini
- 1 nori sheet
- 1/2 an avocado
- 1 tbsp. sesame seeds
- pickled ginger
- radish sprouts
- You can marinate the tempeh overnight for a more flavorful version, but I find that this recipe works fine if you decide to cook it the same day.
- Whisk together tamari sauce, sriracha and maple syrup.
- Heat some oil in a pan and add tempeh once it's hot.
- Add in the tamari mix and cook tempeh until it looks golden and glaze has been absorbed.
- Rinse quinoa very well before cooking.
- Add water to a saucepan and heat on high until it boils.
- Turn off the heat but don't remove the saucepan from the stovetop.
- Add in quinoa. Place a lid on top of the saucepan and let it cook for 15 minutes or until liquid has been absorbed.
- Stir quinoa with a fork to make it fluffy.
- Make ribbons out of the carrot with a potato peeler.
- Heat some olive oil in a pan and cook zucchini until golden.
- Throw all the ingredients into a bowl and enjoy!
- This is the way I cook quinoa but you're free to cook it the way you like!
- If you don't like quinoa you can use any other grain instead.
- You can use tofu instead of tempeh if you like that better.
- This recipe is both vegan and gluten free.
I might or might not have to stop writing posts under the influence of beer…
Whatever. Both sober and drunk-y me agree that this is by far one of the best lunches you’ll ever have. The mix of flavours and textures is unreal. Spicy tempeh mixed with fluffy quinoa, creamy avocado salty nori and crunchy fresh veggies? Pretty sure that what’s heaven taste like! And oh hey, it’s healthy too! Packed with tons of plant-based protein, carbs and healthy fats, plus lots of vitamins and micronutrients that I’m pretty sure that the sober, adult version of me should care about.
I mean, make this, my friends. And thank me later. Preferibly in the form of cookies.
Lots of love,